October 2

I went to Open Mic Night in a small Montana town called West Yellowstone this evening. Why is it that the people with least to say speak longest? Maybe to compensate. I suspect, too, it relates to Plato’s old story about Socrates being the wisest man in the world. (The story goes that the Oracle of Delphi tells Socrates he’s the wisest in the world, Socrates doesn’t believe it, Socrates traipses about the ancient world asking questions of purportedly wise men and, in the end, concludes that he is the world’s wisest man because he knows he is not wise.)

But some of the speakers/singers were good, and the beer was, as expected, excellent. God bless Anhauser-Busch; at least that was consistent. These western bargoers are different than those I knew in Tennessee. Beards, sandals, tee shirts. Easygoing, who-cares attitude – people actually frown on barfights instead of encouraging them. Dancing is a free-for-all with many of the dancers dancing alone. My old half-bow and “may I have this dance?” routine draws more puzzled looks than anything else. I know cultural differences are only superficial – just minor variations on the themes of the playground – but there are times when I miss southern rules and southern women. My tucked-in shirt and combed hair are strange here, and I’m too stubborn to change. Maybe I just miss the sensation of familiarity. Or maybe the truth is that I get lonely. That’s what drives most people to the bar. As James Talley sang,

And I’m reaching for the stars in these honky-tonks and bars
With a lot of lonely people just like me
Trying to forget all the things that I regret
And trying like the devil to be free.

It’s midnight and the blues in the distance
Whiskey in a glass and nights alone
And I’ve lost so many dreams that I know what it means
Trying like the devil to be free.

But then loneliness isn’t such a terrible thing. The cowboys of western novels were always lonesome, and the sentiment has featured in more than one Willie Nelson song. Cowboys “never stay home and they’re always alone / Even with someone they love,” according to Willie and Waylon. Country music has long romanticized loneliness. It comes with wandering. As Merle Haggard sang, “he who travels fastest rides alone.” But the praises of loneliness don't stop with Willie, Waylon and Merle. Existentialists claimed loneliness catalyzes personal maturity, and maybe that’s true. In that case, maybe a heft dose of loneliness is just what I need. We’ll see. I think I’m growing up. I’m trying.